SCR Info Bulletin: Free Broadband via "Dark Porcelain" technology

The Norwegian Agent (Code Name "Chippy") of the Shit Creek R & D Ministry has alerted us to the breakthrough in toilet-bowl internet access available fee from Google's TiSP service. Those Shit Creekers lucky enough to have flush toilets made of porcelain are encouraged to explore this information super-conduit-throughput technology which accelerates data dumps past the notorious S-Bend bottleneck, previously an irritating source of clogged access to Internet poetry sites.

From the profits of the amazingly lucrative poetry zine industry I have built a rambling luxury estate in the Australian outback, "Paradis sur Merde" (modelled on the late Sir Frank ("The Bank") Renouf's "Paradis sur Mer" on Sydney Harbour) - but to maintain the note of outback authenticity and to combat climate change I have insisted that all toilets be located outdoors, several minutes walk from the main buildings, and constructed on shakey stretcher planks spanning five-metre deep drop pits. To encourage users out of their comfort zones, there is an inbuilt structural feature that occasionally plunges them, mid-effort and selected on a random basis, into the collection pit. The TiSP technology unfortunately is not yet applicable to this type of installation.

Thanks, Chippy, for the heads-up!